i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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