It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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