I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
