I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This toilet bowl is my home.
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