i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize