You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
