I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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