So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
