last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
