you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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