It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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