Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
