Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize