I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
