Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
