so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
