I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
