I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
