His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
