Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
