Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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