no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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