Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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