he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
