She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize