I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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