I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
