I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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