I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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