hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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