i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
