you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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