When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
