is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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