So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
