last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
