Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
