He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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