I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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