Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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