My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize