i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you would pick up someone in the library
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
