i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
