I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
