Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize