HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
