Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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