He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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