sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize