WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
