sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
