So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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