I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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