god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
