Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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