whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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