I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
