haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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