I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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