We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
tell me about the eggs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
