he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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