Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
