I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
