She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize