You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
