I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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