I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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