yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
