We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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