Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Two words: blizzard sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
