She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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