y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
