I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
