My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
