This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I AM VODKA MAN
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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