I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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