I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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