there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize