cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
