I got chris browned last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
