OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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