I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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