If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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