i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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