Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My dick has a subreddit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
