Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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