gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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