when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You ruined the universe
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
