to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
