we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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