i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
