Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You need a sexual gate keeper
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
