I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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