we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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