I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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