no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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