you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
